Samantha Bee: DNC Patriotism Was Like Getting a ‘National Blow Job from the American Flag’

A few days after the conclusion of the 2016 Democratic National Convention (DNC), TBS’s Full Frontal host Samantha Bee spent her Monday show reacting to the proceedings and, of course, resulted to bizarre and over-the-top vulgarities seeking to grab that included the suggestion that the patriotism displayed at the DNC was like receiving a “blow job from the American flag.”

Bee began the program with a plea for everyone to “set politics aside for a second and appreciate that history was made last week” in Hillary Clinton’s official nomination for president but quickly lashed out a Clinton critics by joking that they all hated their mothers.

“We have waited our whole lives to hear a woman say those words and then immediately get criticized for the voice she said them in. Gosh, you boys sure hate your mothers, don't you,” she proclaimed.

She couldn’t completely stay on topic concerning the DNC without continuing to express her outrage at the Republican convention from the week prior by blasting it as “[a] poorly attended, rage-a-thon featuring a parade of hemorrhoidal has-beens trying to literally scare up votes by making America shit its pants.”

Moving to First Lady Michelle Obama’s speech on the first night of the DNC, Bee pretended to cry and took a swipe at Donald Trump’s hideous smear of Megyn Kelly by joking that she only had “tears coming out of my wherever” before building a strawman case that the fact-checks about the First Lady’s claim the White House was built by slaves since those raising the issue weren’t sure if slavery had ever happened.

It was following this mess that Bee made a rather confusing and sexually explicit claim about the so-called love for America shown at the DNC: “Well, the super delegates scrambled to switch their votes to Michelle Obama, the DNC proceeded to put on a U.S.A. lovefest that left us feeling like we just got a national blow job from the American flag.”

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Gushing over the DNC as “an unexpected triumphant of positive messaging and flawless showmanship,” she added that the Democrats were open to welcoming not just foreign refugees but also from the GOP who “are feeling as homeless right now as the working poor they've been shafting for decades.”

The show proceeded with two reports from her producers at the DNC and at the onset of one story, Bee took a shot at the DNC patriotism as “designed to win back the blue collar white men who could decide this election but underneath the flag waving chanting and literal pandering to testicles.”

The relevant portions of the transcript from TBS’s Full Frontal with Samantha Bee on August 1 can be found below.

TBS’s Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
August 1, 2016
10:30 p.m. Eastern

SAMANTHA BEE: Listen, can we set politics aside for a second and appreciate that history was made last week? [APPLAUSE]

HILLARY CLINTON: I accept your nomination for president of the United States!

BEE: We have waited our whole lives to hear a woman say those words and then immediately get criticized for the voice she said them in. Gosh, you boys sure hate your mothers, don't you? Lucky for Democrats, their big shin dig followed the four-day blooper reel that was the Republican convention. A poorly attended, rage-a-thon featuring a parade of hemorrhoidal has-beens trying to literally scare up votes by making America shit its pants. 

NEWT GINGRICH: Every American should be terrified. 

BEE: I half expected to close my mirror in the Cleveland Holiday Inn and see newt Gingrich with a knife. Terrorcon ‘16 set the bar so low for the Democrats we couldn't wait to see how they'd trip over it. After all, this is the party that brought us the 2004 classic f***ed balloon drop. 

(....)

MICHELLE OBAMA: That’s the story of this country. [SCREEN WIPE] The story of generations of people who felt the lash of bondage, the shame of servitude, the sting of segregation, but who kept on striving and hoping and doing what needed to be done so that today, I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves. [SCREEN WIPE] And I watch my daughters — two intelligent, black young women playing with their dogs on the white house lawn.

BEE: I'm not crying. I just have tears coming out of my wherever and, sure, America's racists lost their shit forcing multiple news sites to fact check the idea that slavery happened. It did and when this election is over we need to have a serious talk about education in this country. Well, the super delegates scrambled to switch their votes to Michelle Obama, the DNC proceeded to put on a U.S.A. lovefest that left us feeling like we just got a national blow job from the American flag. 

MICHELLE OBAMA: Don't let anyone ever tell you that this country isn't great. 

DEMOCRATIC SENATOR CORY BOOKER (N.J.): Our best days are ahead of us. 

VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN: Americans have never, ever, ever, ever let their country down. Never. Never. 

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: All pledging allegiance under the same proud flag. 

(....)

BEE: I am not crying. I just have America in my eye. The convention was an unexpected triumphant of positive messaging and flawless showmanship. Turns out, the Democrats had this in them all along and all it took to get their shit together was the looming certainty of Armageddon. Bastards! The party of dreamers and immigrants wanted everyone to know they welcome refugees. In particular, refugees from the Republican Party. Some of whom are feeling as homeless right now as the working poor they've been shafting for decades.

(....)

BEE: The unabashed patriotism of the Democratic convention seemed designed to win back the blue collar white men who could decide this election but underneath the flag waving chanting and literal pandering to testicles, the party feels they have the ideas that help those voters.

Curtis Houck
Curtis Houck
Curtis Houck is the Managing Editor of NewsBusters for the Media Research Center